my rEality shows

 

It just makes me feel, ugh, odd? I don’t know why, but i easily get emotional nowadays. My tears seem to be always at guard and voluntarily they well up even at a slight drama scene of a reality show. Err, i know. I don’t deny the fact that i really am an emotional person, but not to this extent. I think this started after my grandfather died last month. Because those days, more than thrice i caught myself crying in front/around random people. Though at times i fought back the tears, i never won.

So where will these easy welling up bring me? I believe it’s not my style showing people my real state. So how will i control it? But then it strikes me, do i really have to?

dated. 081109. 12:53:56 am

this is an entry from my mobile phone. yes, whenever i can’t control expressing something, i find ways to do so. whenever, whatever, however.

am overflowing with emotions right now, different kinds of emotions. i’ll try to put them down later. ciao.

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cndhuiaytbxty8&^#NJrkzlnyiUWiayheyws86i$*#Mkdsghmk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! T_T

a tribute to Lana (:

for a very sweet baby who makes us smile all the while

for a very smart baby who makes everybody whoa! in awe

for a very talented baby who makes everyone cheer so loud & clear

for a very pretty & loving baby who we miss so dear

for the most wonderful young girl who we love without a doubt

HAPPY HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY BAKBAK LANA!:)

from graps, grams, tita ayn, tito alo, & tita kokit.

we miss you bakbak!

see you soon!

[ J ] = journey

oh come on. let this image help me begin this journey.

after desperately finding a way how to get to a certain place (i even got to ask someone i think i should not have asked), after doubtfully riding a cab despite all the search and queries (i’m scared of riding a cab all by myself), after successfully arriving at my destination and after having that empowering chitchat with nice mr.anonymous, after achieving my way back to my familiar place through walking (though i caught myself lost many times. err. ha ha), after ransacking three above-the-average book stores, finally i found this book.

wait, let me just state the obvious, happiness & excitement are now flowing through my system.

while waiting for a girl friend, i opted to spend the hours at three different book stores. i scanned the shelves, browsed the books, read the back of certain books with the synopses and reviews, drooled for the books i am long wanting to have, drooled some more for new found great grabs, and even drooled much much more for all the awesome books. ugh.

this day, i was torn among these three.

which to buy? which to buy?!

after weighing my lust for them, garcia marquez won the gold medal. (how i wish i could buy all of them at once, but “one at a time” rules upon me now) and so i was decided what to buy and no regrets for my choice. but as i had quite more time to spend, i continued browsing and reading parts of some books. suddenly i remembered two books that caught my interest the last time i visited a small book store. good thing i took a picture of them.

apologies if the image is not that clear. but thank you for my average camera phone. what to do until love finds you and why men don’t listen & women can’t read maps. classify these books however you want -inspirational, self-guide, corny, pathetic.. but, aren’t they awesome? for me they are. so call me whatever you like. ha ha ha! unfortunately, i failed to locate them this afternoon. maybe God is telling me neither of these will help me, or maybe i don’t really need this kind of books, as of the moment. but they’re cute, right? sorry can’t get over. ha.ha. still want to buy them, though.

so then my wandering took place for couples of minutes more. scanned some more books.. religion & spirituality, art, cooking, health. filipino authors. and unexpectedly, i stumbled upon fanny a. garcia’s journeys with my autistic son. suddenly my heart flipped/jumped in half a second. i grabbed it. never let it go. read the first pages, stopped (i did not intend to finish reading it within that minute), looked back for love in the time of cholera. aww, gravity suddenly pulled the sides of my lips.

in short, i bought journeys. why? simple. i’m planning to take master of art in education majoring special education. sounds great, eh? yes i am serious about this thing. i’m so excited! (jump! jump!) this is one major turning point in my life that i’m long waiting for. as soon as i finish the requirements for my application (hopefully, Lord please let me in) and as soon as i enroll to the program, i’ll let you know. right?

i don’t want to spill everything about my sped plans now (i’m sorry) because i want to reserve a whole entry for it. so i’m leaving you with this one big favor.. please please, pray for me to be successful in pursuing my newly realized DREAM. my journey. this is it! promise.

[i hope i won't be embarrassed with this one] >.<

pulled

“Boundaries don’t keep people out,

so it is. i cannot have a good-enough beginning of this one.. not my hands, perhaps my disorganized mind? or something in me pushes me to make this piece –whatever the result would be. tell you what? my mind is slowly spinning, my heart is gently but repulsively throbbing. and i can’t figure out what pushes me to stay awake in the very middle of this sullen odd night. great! something, i believe there is that something which pulls my mind up amidst the gravity that evenly pulls my body down. i don’t know; i have no idea. is something historical going to happen? am i waiting for an unexpected momentous event? what it is, really?

this is just making me much more frantic. clueless of what’s happening yet paranoid of invisible events. what-did-i-just-say? my mind’s blocked but it is spinning; round and round and round. when do you stop? what do you want?

they close you in…”

.. .

.. .

..praying

fix me Not

for couple of days now, i was trying my best to let my system be in the mood to put something sensible here. but i lost. just refer to my personal diary for my latest rants & “true” insane thoughts.. (as if you can actually borrow and read my personal diary.. ha. ha.) although my diary now is quite a pseudo one, i’m planning to buy a genuine, comfy-to-write-and-scribble-on diary one of these days.. c=

for consolation, though i’d rather call this a grand prize, i’m sharing with you one of my favorite articles of Bo S.. ever tried fixing other people but eventually failed? get the answer here. learn some. & be inspired!

ciao!

this is what i want, now.. .

anybody..?

need i say more?

hugs and Key-sets

weird when you’re wondering why you’re not crying when you feel and think of the same things that used to have you rivers of tears.. is it a sign of the healing you’re long waiting for?  is it an indication of numbness after catching a great deal of pain? or is it just a suppression of emotions?

………………..

your heart still winces everytime your mind recalls involuntarily the series of painful events in your life.. your heart still recoils, but your mind seems to be in control now.. mind over matter. good thing.

…………………….

are you on the right side or wrong side? good, bad? ugh. you just want nobody to get hurt..

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wanted: HUGS

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ARE YOU MALNOURISHED FOR LOVE? click here.

search my heart

thank you Lord.. i think i’m now starting to understand..

……………………………………………….. search my heart.. everything’s there.. fill my heart with Your everlasting love..