i Won’t give up

inverted AAA's

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HAPPY NEW US!

HAPPY NEW ME!

HAPPY 2012!

today i deactivated my fb accounT

(81%) Tue Dec 27 8:18 PM

if that is what my menu bar shows, my  face flashes a faint smile, and my soul bursts a  melancholic mood.

yesterday as i was thinking of writing on my new 2012 planner, a question popped in my mind: why do i often use pencil when taking down notes or even when writing on my journals? i stopped for a couple of minutes trying to figure it out.

why do i frequently write using a tool that could be instantly erased instead of  using a permanent inked pen? we know that a pencil writing could vanish in time compared to a pen writing which could last much longer . then why do i still choose pencil over a pen?

i reflected on it and have come to a wild guess. maybe, it reflects my character, on how i see things and on how i work out with every thing that affects my life. let us take the basic situation of buying a dress. when shopping for a dress, i am not the type who buys instantly after suspecting a perfect grab. no no, that’s not me. when shopping, i make sure that i browse first all of the great deals until my feet hurt, then i choose the best among the dresses. i want to make sure that i have picked the best. i know guys will hate me for that. guess i am playing safe.

when in general assemblies or even in an informal chitchat with friends, though not always, but frequently i answer questions and share my point of view after mostly are done blurting out theirs. it is not that my mind is always slow in generating answers and opinions, i just want to hear first somebody’s side to make sure that i really understand and i am not out of the line regarding the topic. not to mention that i am also the quiet type. guess i am playing safe.

when a friend or an acquaintance (unless we are close to the nerves) asks me something about himself/herself, most of the time expect me to say “you’re good.” but some are really exceptional to the rule: i can say that you are awesome if you really amused me, and still i will tell you you’re good but with undeniably  hesitation if you amazed me with dissatisfaction. and i assure you that you rank first class if you will easily ignore when the time comes you experience the latter. i find it hard offending anybody most especially a friend and that is my explanation for this. and yes,  i know the saying that if you are a true friend you will tell everything even the most hurtful truth.  well, i reserve that for the closest ones i have. respect & kindness for this one. guess i’m playing safe.

admitting to your loved one, can be your partner or a family member, that you want more, sweetness and assurance for future plans perhaps  -i seldom practice this. sometimes it is because, again i don’t want to offend him, but often times it’s because i want him to discover it himself. i don’t want the suggestion to come from me; i want him to realize it and initiate acting on it. i stand firm on my belief that if he discovers it himself and realizes that it should be acted upon, the change will be incredibly great because he did it not only for me but for him as well. so it would be a genuine act and not just because i told him so. it would be like a seed that he plants in his heart, waters it to grow fast and sturdy, not like a full-bloom flower that you give him which eventually dries. when i want to tell something sensitive, at least for me, i will just give hints or partly tell it to you but i won’t be pushy on that. so that is how i am. do i still play safe with that?

let’s have a break. it’s my pleasure to announce that today, i deactivated my facebook account. reason: because it is taking so much of my time that i can’t do the things that need a lot more priority. a good friend told me that if you do a thing within 21 consecutive days, it would be a habit. so as what facebook have done to me. i think i am addicted to it. i am uneasy when a day passes by that i don’t log in and check the newsfeed. though i don’t put status every day and upload ‘good morning, nice afternoon, good eve photos’ thrice a week, still i’m an addict. facebook became a habit for me and i want to break it. so now i’m doing the 21-day challenge. i can only reactivate my account on january 18 next year. i am serious with this though i’m afraid tomorrow comes and i’ll fail. but i hope not. certainly you will know the result of this challenge. i am looking forward when january 18 comes and i’ll gladly report that i made it. oh what a happy day it will be.

i remember answering personality tests. on items about being a risk taker, i always answer yes. but upon reflecting on my ‘pencil habit’ it leaves mo to a conclusion, maybe i deny it but i am not really a risk taker. somehow i am a perfectionist and  i don’t want rooms for rejection.

now is it safe to say that my heart flashes a wider smile and the menu bar shows

(43%) Tue Dec 27 11:25 PM

the True spirit

2 days before Christmas. a lot are excited, some anxious, and many people from Southern Philippines don’t know how they would celebrate the season. few days before Christmas they were hit by typhoon sendong- thousands of houses were destroyed, hundreds were killed, many are still missing. just watching the heart-dragging stories on the news made me teary-eyed. how much more for those people who lost their families and loved ones? i can’t bear to watch and look at the images of lifeless human beings drowned and all covered with mud, fathers protecting his children until his last breath, mothers embracing her son, giving her last tender embrace, elderly ones seeming to be strong amidst the storm raging.

at times like this, i am used to thinking, what if i was there? what if i am put to that situation? would i survive if i’ve lost my family? would i still want to live if everything that i have built and saved was gone just like that? would i still want Christmas to come? would i still believe and hope that i could stand again and start a brand new life? would i want to wake up for a new day? or would i just sleep and let the darkness set in me forever? what would i do?

let us be thankful that we were not there and we did not experience that tragedy. but as we celebrate this Christmas, let us not forget those who lost their lives and lost their homes and families in this calamity. let us pray for their souls to have eternal peace and let us pray for the abandoned ones to still see the light and to continue living and believing in Him. it is very saddening that a natural tragedy occurs on a season of joy and happiness. let us pray that all those celebrating this season still remember and still feel the true spirit of Christmas; the true reason behind this historical and glorifying event -celebrating the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. God gave us the most precious gift He could ever give so it must be reflected to us by selflessly giving and sharing our blessings with those who need it most. and now is the time to to do it. a nation that is united doesn’t let any of its people suffer from challenges alone. let us be one.

There are 25 million Filipinos on Facebook. If each one donates 5 pesos to Red Cross we could raise 125 million for Sendong victims. Here's how (from the Philippine Red Cross website): SMS Text RED<space>AMOUNT to 2899 (Globe) or 4143 (Smart) G-Cash Text DONATE<space>AMOUNT<space>4-digit M-PIN<space>REDCROSS to 2882 You can donate the following denominations: Globe: 5, 25, 100, 300, 500 or 1000 Smart: 10, 25, 50, 100, 300, 500 or 1000

let us help make everyone feel the true spirit of Christmas even in our own little ways. give and you shall receive. now i will leave you with this moving video:

MARY CHRISTmas  to all (:

i want to run run run…

great!  i wonder where this runny nose will  lead me tomorrow in my classes.  i can picture some of my  students  handing me tissue papers to wipe my  nose. awesome scenario! honestly and literally, this liquid isn’t stopping from coming down my nose. perfect!

randOm dream, eh?

heyya. i know i skipped  quite a number of dates and important events here. pardon me for that.  if only i can show you the couple of drafts, still not finished, waiting to be published inside this wordpress site of mine.

so  before i forget this random thought…

while making my ppt for day 5 (supposed to be day 7) of my english class next week, suddenly  i remembered my strange dream last night. it was about a man, actually a man that i know.  i won’t  tell more clues for security purposes. ha.ha.  i’ve known him for 7 years now. i can say we are friends for we have common friends, but we are just civil, until now. (okay one clue, we don’t have a past. just to make it clear) but, hmmm… let’s just say there was a short time that i had a crush on him. just a little maybe because some of my friends also had a crush on him. harhar. so going back to my dream… the weird part is that in my dream, we were just talking on the phone the whole time. i can’t remember how it started but i know he was the one who phoned me. i can’t remember even a single line of our conversation but  i believe it was like he was professing cheesy things to me.  and he was s-e-r-i-o-u-s. there was even a part that he sang but  how elusive dreams can be for i can’t remember the song. deymn. haha.

now, it’s just funny thinking about that dream. really strange. of all men, not to mention the local celebrities i went out with(in my dreams)  like sam m., piolo p., and jlc, (LOL), why him? my mind’s trying to  imagine the scenario with the current time and my face turns o_O

i hope tonight i dream of jason mraz, my love.

sleeping to dream about you

geek in the pinK

below is the first ever chocolate cake i baked.

i made it from the bottom of my heart, specially for you jason mraz.

i can’t wait for tomorrow. tomorrow is the day.

we will sing with you jason.

i’m yours!

do i need To catch up?

hello

i am quite sleepy but my mind’s somehow telling me to finish my syllabus for english 102. i have been working on it since last week and until now it is still hanging, waiting for final touches. ugh, i need to finish it immediately so that i can focus on other matters. fighting! i can do it. i will. i must. anyway, i just need to complete the learning objectives and it’s 95% done.

but for now, let me share some photos. i am too sleepyhead to enumerate and tell the latest stories i had and i hope  through these pictures, you’ll be able to see the big picture. okay, what i just said is vague.

wed. 05oct11

after his more than a week of being stranded because of floods, finally i got to see and hug him again! we caught up over a pizza and caramia gelato cake. yumm! but he’s always yummier

sat. 15oct11

sem-ender day. sumptuous lunch with my let classmates and with our professor at blufish restaurant. nice day. bonding with them, new friends; future educators. oh yes, come on! until next sem

tue. 18oct11

koton, our baby, is having his vacation again here in our house. i missed him and i hope he missed me, too and our place as well. what else can i say? he is now claiming to be a big dog. oh well. give it to him. lablab koton!

someday, i will fly...

no worries, please

dear brain,

can you please stop thinking of worst case scenarios? it is not helping and it will never help. i hope you consider my request. thank you.

sincerely,

your better half(?)

prAyer

Disturb us, Lord,
When we are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

as i am worried about the situation of my loved ones in calumpit, bulacan (flood is still rising around the area), i read bo’s soulfood for september 26. i have started reading it last night but because of sleepiness, i was not able to finish it. tonight as i continued reading the article, i felt my heart smiling despite the worries in my head. every paragraph, every sentence in bo’s article touched my heart.

“You think you’ve got problems? Think again. You don’t!”

“If you won’t share your blessings to others, you won’t receive the maximum amount of blessings that God wants for your life.”

” The lesson?

       Don’t ever say, “It’s none of my business.”

       We are indelibly intricately connected with each other.

       When our brother is in pain, we should be in pain too.”

these are only some of the remarkable words that really made an impact on me and got me to realize and rethink of things. aah, let us be heroes even in the simplest ways. now if you got curious and you want to feel what i experienced while reading the article, just click the link below:

Lord Disturb Me

i hope that by sharing this, i am being a blessing to you, then you bless others, too. happy reading

……

took ielts this morning but not in the mood to share the experience right now. some other day perhaps? let’s call it a day. see you in dreamland.

p.s.

i hope the jolly me comes back tomorrrow