h1

numbers..

October 9, 2009

1. as if i’m having a deadline.. less than an hour by now, there will be, AGAIN, power interruption. so i thought it would be easier to make this entry in number form..and my apology if this would be messy-scrumbled up.

2. i’m running out of thoughts. they’re all jumbled in my mind.. don’t know how to spill them out..

3. it’s been 3 days that i’m spending “dayless” days.. negating the fact of these power interruptions (which contributes to my dark hole to breathe fully), my days are being overpowered by nights.. dark nights, painful nights, sleepless nights.. i have no idea when these “night-days” would stop. it makes me gasp for air all the time. it makes me curlep up on my bed.. it makes my pillows flooded with tears.. it leaves me miserable.. soon i’ll be a zombie.. a blogging zombie.

4. it hurts. it still hurts..

5. i know you’re hurting, too. i’m just not sure for what reason.. i’m thinking of having a day with you to talk and to lay down all the cards we have. i’m just not sure if i’ll take it to action.

6. as hard as i wish for it to cease, it seems the hole is also fighting so hard for its life. whenever my mind effortlessly wanders about you, about what i know that’s happening and the ones i’m unaware, the hole grows bigger, mightier, and without exaggerating, my lungs shouts for air.

7. maybe i still haven’t digested the reality.  no. not yet. honestly, my mind and my heart are still in battle, whether who would give in and who would conquer the fight. but hey guys, the time will not wait for us. speed up. decide. or else, fate, as oftentimes, will decide for us.

8. think think think, gasp gasp gasp… oxygen please.

9. i’m planning to go to my ever comfort place tomorrow. as i told a close friend, i want to breathe fresh air. i need fresh air. not only for my lungs, but also for my mind. maybe it would be good if i let my mind be blown up for fresh-cold air. i want to lay down on the grass, i want to lay down under the healing night sky. it’s been quite a long time since i visited my best friends up there in the sky. i pray God will allow

10. and the hole continues..

11. pray.. .

12. for wisdom.. for acceptance.. for healing.. for love.. .

13. i also pray for you..

14. throb.

15. pray harder

16. are you really giving up?

17. my mind is loaded with questions. will i ever get to know the answers?

18. i miss going t to random places.. i miss roadtrips.. i want to eat out.. i miss

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