h1

black

June 1, 2011

there is one thing i would like to ask of him, but as i ponder of it once, twice, and even 100 times, i think it won’t be good. i don’t know, i’m not sure. of course i won’t be able to know his reaction unless i actually ask him, but in the name of peace, i suppose it’s better to just rant it here. [deep sigh]

 

peace between us, peace for him because he won’t be reminded about it [assuming he is not thinking of it without my knowledge (naturally)], but unfortunately, no peace for me. on one side, my short memory is an advantage for i forget about it after couples of days. but when fate plays trick on me, my heart seemingly gains weight and painfully drags my inner system even for an accidental peek of it.

i remember the first day i saw it, ouch… to shorten it, my world crashed. emotionally literally. did not know what to do, i didn’t know what to think. all i was asking that time, what for? why did he make it? what’s the purpose? what was he thinking before, while, after he made it? oh my! let’s not go back there again. my heart’s pumping violently now.

i told him about it. everything that i thought of, felt, thought, felt. i believe i made them all clear to him. he told me  his side, argument ended. of course it took some time for me forgetting and thankfully i did, not until i saw it again today.

sad.

 

but then back to my wish, if only he would do it even without me saying, i’ll be happy.

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