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today i deactivated my fb accounT

December 27, 2011

(81%) Tue Dec 27 8:18 PM

if that is what my menu bar shows, my  face flashes a faint smile, and my soul bursts a  melancholic mood.

yesterday as i was thinking of writing on my new 2012 planner, a question popped in my mind: why do i often use pencil when taking down notes or even when writing on my journals? i stopped for a couple of minutes trying to figure it out.

why do i frequently write using a tool that could be instantly erased instead of  using a permanent inked pen? we know that a pencil writing could vanish in time compared to a pen writing which could last much longer . then why do i still choose pencil over a pen?

i reflected on it and have come to a wild guess. maybe, it reflects my character, on how i see things and on how i work out with every thing that affects my life. let us take the basic situation of buying a dress. when shopping for a dress, i am not the type who buys instantly after suspecting a perfect grab. no no, that’s not me. when shopping, i make sure that i browse first all of the great deals until my feet hurt, then i choose the best among the dresses. i want to make sure that i have picked the best. i know guys will hate me for that. guess i am playing safe.

when in general assemblies or even in an informal chitchat with friends, though not always, but frequently i answer questions and share my point of view after mostly are done blurting out theirs. it is not that my mind is always slow in generating answers and opinions, i just want to hear first somebody’s side to make sure that i really understand and i am not out of the line regarding the topic. not to mention that i am also the quiet type. guess i am playing safe.

when a friend or an acquaintance (unless we are close to the nerves) asks me something about himself/herself, most of the time expect me to say “you’re good.” but some are really exceptional to the rule: i can say that you are awesome if you really amused me, and still i will tell you you’re good but with undeniably  hesitation if you amazed me with dissatisfaction. and i assure you that you rank first class if you will easily ignore when the time comes you experience the latter. i find it hard offending anybody most especially a friend and that is my explanation for this. and yes,  i know the saying that if you are a true friend you will tell everything even the most hurtful truth.  well, i reserve that for the closest ones i have. respect & kindness for this one. guess i’m playing safe.

admitting to your loved one, can be your partner or a family member, that you want more, sweetness and assurance for future plans perhaps  -i seldom practice this. sometimes it is because, again i don’t want to offend him, but often times it’s because i want him to discover it himself. i don’t want the suggestion to come from me; i want him to realize it and initiate acting on it. i stand firm on my belief that if he discovers it himself and realizes that it should be acted upon, the change will be incredibly great because he did it not only for me but for him as well. so it would be a genuine act and not just because i told him so. it would be like a seed that he plants in his heart, waters it to grow fast and sturdy, not like a full-bloom flower that you give him which eventually dries. when i want to tell something sensitive, at least for me, i will just give hints or partly tell it to you but i won’t be pushy on that. so that is how i am. do i still play safe with that?

let’s have a break. it’s my pleasure to announce that today, i deactivated my facebook account. reason: because it is taking so much of my time that i can’t do the things that need a lot more priority. a good friend told me that if you do a thing within 21 consecutive days, it would be a habit. so as what facebook have done to me. i think i am addicted to it. i am uneasy when a day passes by that i don’t log in and check the newsfeed. though i don’t put status every day and upload ‘good morning, nice afternoon, good eve photos’ thrice a week, still i’m an addict. facebook became a habit for me and i want to break it. so now i’m doing the 21-day challenge. i can only reactivate my account on january 18 next year. i am serious with this though i’m afraid tomorrow comes and i’ll fail. but i hope not. certainly you will know the result of this challenge. i am looking forward when january 18 comes and i’ll gladly report that i made it. oh what a happy day it will be.

i remember answering personality tests. on items about being a risk taker, i always answer yes. but upon reflecting on my ‘pencil habit’ it leaves mo to a conclusion, maybe i deny it but i am not really a risk taker. somehow i am a perfectionist and  i don’t want rooms for rejection.

now is it safe to say that my heart flashes a wider smile and the menu bar shows

(43%) Tue Dec 27 11:25 PM

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