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it’s a Mess

December 23, 2016

i wish i could stand on a mountaintop right now or feel the breeze of the ocean waves. i have longed for these for a while and now that both are upon my reach, why do things suddenly fall apart?

the world knows that i never wished ill for anybody but maybe the good things that i’ve done are not enough for it to grant me my most hidden obvious wishes. how i lived my life for the past 30 years perhaps has not surpassed the standards of being good. seems that even santa wont give me anything nice this season.

i wished for the sea but now im in the deep ocean mess and i dont know how to swim back to the shore. before, i didnt have high hopes and dreams for myself but now that i do have not only for me but for my future family, the world, again, rejects my proposition. i only want the best but looks like the best for me is crap for the whole world.

it is heart breaking, yes. i am trying to understand the reasons behind but maybe it’s true that we cannot know everything all at once. we may not have mutual visions and perspective now but i hope one day these differences make sense.

it’s painful to see paths that used to be together slowly drift apart. many times ive asked myself, why do everything that i love cant be collected together in one place. is it really impossible? they say do what makes you happy. i have done the first part but why do the proceeding steps suddenly make a detour? should i follow or should i make a new destination?

is this a nightmare? i badly hope so.

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