goes round and round and round

February 26, 2017

i want to live on my own. i wonder how it is to depend on yourself alone; the rent, the bills, grocery, everyday meals, weekly budget, cleaning, laundry, etc. i wonder how my place would look like; minimalist i think. i dont like to put many stuff, just the necessities. but one thing i would love if the world would give me the choice is, id love to have a place where i can watch both the sunrise and sunset. is that too much? if i had to choose, id prefer the latter.

not sure if i already explained why i love sunset better than sunrise but to make it quick, sunsets are more romantic than sunrises. sunsets are more dramatic than sunrises. sunrise is a bag of hope for the new day that is. sunset, on the other hand, is the cbb (closing billboard) of each day. you see, when a movie ends, the cbb where we get to see and read the cast and the whole team behind the film, it is always accompanied by a song or music which ‘actually’ sets the mood of the audience after the show. you dont think so? the next time you watch a movie, dont get too absorbed when it ends then try to be conscious when the cbb starts. listen to the song, think about it and how it connects, or disconnects, with the story. then think of another song of your choice and imagine what if that song was used on the cbb. would you feel the same after watching?

funny, eh? orayt orayt, this is going non sense again. but really, the cbb music either intensifies the ‘actual’ feel of the film or it puts you on the opposite mood. as to sunset, whenever i get the chance to witness or even glance at it, it always always swallows my soul and it constantly makes me feel that even after a long tiring  gloomy heartbreaking day, there is always something beautiful that can make you smile and shed a tear at the same time.

going back, i think i will survive if i live on my own place. im a loner, you know. being with no one is not a problem to me at all. i enjoy my lone time. i can do whatever i want, be the real me, walk, run, eat, sing, or got marathon naked if i want to. i wont disturb anybody and same goes to me. nobody is going to make the apartment messy but me. yay! it’s not that i dont enjoy being with my family but i have lived with them for over 30 years now and since i dont have my own little family (and soon accepting the probability of not having one), i want to experience standing on my own feet. when i get a good job, that will be one of my prospect projects.

thinking out loud, i wonder what kind of parent id be if God gives me children. im certain i want my kids to grow up kind, loving, sweet, respectful, beautiful, compassionate, selfless, God-fearing, multi-talented (unlike me), musically inclined, passionate, nature-lover, certain of what they want in life. id want them to have all they need but i wont allow brats. the question is, would i be able to raise them that well? nah, doesnt matter. i might stay wondering forever.

then i lost the mood of going on. sorry, this is me. i easily get distracted. then i lose focus. just like this.

this isnt connected but

i remember a quotable quote by baelish “littlefinger” which he told sansa stark, “it doesnt matter what we want. once we get it, we want something else.”


09.nov.16 | 5:05 pm, cst | wpg. mb


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