silver lining

May 11, 2017

the day i started in my new work, i believe there was never a day i didnt have a scratch or a small wound in my hands. they are mostly at the back and side of my fingers. maybe reaching for items or sliding the bar separator are the main culprits. though very light and little, they make sure that they are felt once in a while.

im on my second week now as a frontline in a major supermarket here. my first day in the actual cashiering is unforgettable. that was technically my second day of training and that was 8 hours of straight standing, with one half hour break and two 15-min breaks. at first i thought it wont be that hard because standing at work isnt new to me as i used to be a teacher before.

i was wrong. (as i usually am for quite a while these days, or months should i say)

all the tension, stress, worries, fears, codes to be memorized, plus the physical pain of that long first day started to build in every piece of me as the day was ending. unsurprisingly, as i reached home, i burst into tears. i tried to fight it as i wanted to keep it to myself but it fought back hard and made me so weak as the pain and aches dominated my whole body. but you know what made it worse? it’s the thought that i had nobody to share what i was feeling that very moment. it’s the thought that i wanted to give up and i was all alone in that one lowest time in my life. it’s the fact that i was actually with someone physically but things are the opposite of what is supposed to be of being with someone, emotionally topping the list.

i used to tell myself before i resigned from my last job that i would want to experience working in retail. i was curious how it feels like facing people the whole day, standing and walking around, customer service, those things. now i got what i wanted. my mind and body dont really agree that i want it after all.

typical human nature, as what i want to call it. an addition to my i-thought-id-be-happy-with-it list, which seems to be getting longer as time goes by. quite ironic, eh? i thought the more you get older, the more you would know what you want and what makes you happy.

but im getting the hang of it, the work, you know. it is just part time so i usually only get twenty hours a week, five hours in four days or four in five, half of what a regular job has. not to mention that it’s a minimum-paying one, with the physical demands of the job, im good with it considering my current situation. and it’s better to have a source of income now instead of none as i have to prepare for my little one’s future. i hope i wont be stuck on it, though.

im very thankful for the few people who show their support to me, my family most especially. it makes me feel that somehow i am still worthy for some good things. i’ll surpass this challenge. no way but up!

i gotta go for now and prepare for my last day of my work week.

no way but up!


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