God is in control

October 25, 2017

two weeks from now and we will finally meet our little fighter Gabriel.

it is totally mixed emotions of being excited, anxious, happy, nervous. i feel so much joy as a first time mom but many times when i think about baby gab’s condition, worry overcomes me. it’s like it is a celebration of life but i cannot celebrate too much. it’s like i want to show the world how happy and proud i am but something is holding me back.

but then i’ll be reminded once more, God is in control.

and i’ll be calm and i’ll feel His comfort and love.

knowing that our little one will be undergoing an operation a day or two after he sees the the outside world is truly devastating. i think i still haven’t totally digested and realized that until now. it is something an expectant mother would not want to hear, ever. instead of just worrying if i’ll have milk to feed him right after birth, i worry of how will we have enough bonding and latching and getting-to-know times the first days and weeks of his life if he is going to spend it in the nicu instead of being home with us. and the list of worries and questions goes on.

but then again, God is in control.

worries do no help. who am i to worry?

one out of every 35,000-40,000 newborns is diagnosed with sacrococcygeal teratoma (sct). it is that rare without clear cause and it is known to be more common in female babies. that makes baby gab truly special and one of a kind. though one set of doctors who look after baby gab’s condition think that it is not sct as the cystic mass does not show any effect on the blood flow in his heart and body and that everything is normal in him. (that consistent news in our series of check ups and assessments makes me so much relieved and reassured) whatever it is, i pray that everything goes smoothly and successful, from the c-section to baby gab’s entering this wonderful world until his operation and recovery. i believe that he will have and enjoy a normal life after this early challenge to us.

i wont be able to handle this on my own. i am so much grateful and blessed to have a support system who’s been with me from the start, from my family to my few trusted and close friends and of course to my partner whose faith is stronger than mine. im lucky and thankful to have someone who takes care of me and baby gab and never lets us go hungry. we’ll get through this and everything is going to be fine.

this is just a glimpse of my journey to mommyhood and how we handle the difficult challenge thrown to us. as much as i would like to, most probably i wont be able to share all my experiences and pregnancy tips and realizations (not to mention struggles) here anymore, but one thing’s for sure, this phase is totally a highlight and a life-changing experience in a woman’s life.


i believe that prayers can move mountains. a prayer for the safe delivery and successful surgery for our baby gab will be so much appreciated ❤

God bless us all.

baby gab profile at 26 weeks

baby gab at 26 weeks


thinking baby gab at 36 weeks

(thinking) baby gab at 36 weeks


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