Archive for the ‘carry on’ Category

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silver lining

May 11, 2017

the day i started in my new work, i believe there was never a day i didnt have a scratch or a small wound in my hands. they are mostly at the back and side of my fingers. maybe reaching for items or sliding the bar separator are the main culprits. though very light and little, they make sure that they are felt once in a while.

im on my second week now as a frontline in a major supermarket here. my first day in the actual cashiering is unforgettable. that was technically my second day of training and that was 8 hours of straight standing, with one half hour break and two 15-min breaks. at first i thought it wont be that hard because standing at work isnt new to me as i used to be a teacher before.

i was wrong. (as i usually am for quite a while these days, or months should i say)

all the tension, stress, worries, fears, codes to be memorized, plus the physical pain of that long first day started to build in every piece of me as the day was ending. unsurprisingly, as i reached home, i burst into tears. i tried to fight it as i wanted to keep it to myself but it fought back hard and made me so weak as the pain and aches dominated my whole body. but you know what made it worse? it’s the thought that i had nobody to share what i was feeling that very moment. it’s the thought that i wanted to give up and i was all alone in that one lowest time in my life. it’s the fact that i was actually with someone physically but things are the opposite of what is supposed to be of being with someone, emotionally topping the list.

i used to tell myself before i resigned from my last job that i would want to experience working in retail. i was curious how it feels like facing people the whole day, standing and walking around, customer service, those things. now i got what i wanted. my mind and body dont really agree that i want it after all.

typical human nature, as what i want to call it. an addition to my i-thought-id-be-happy-with-it list, which seems to be getting longer as time goes by. quite ironic, eh? i thought the more you get older, the more you would know what you want and what makes you happy.

but im getting the hang of it, the work, you know. it is just part time so i usually only get twenty hours a week, five hours in four days or four in five, half of what a regular job has. not to mention that it’s a minimum-paying one, with the physical demands of the job, im good with it considering my current situation. and it’s better to have a source of income now instead of none as i have to prepare for my little one’s future. i hope i wont be stuck on it, though.

im very thankful for the few people who show their support to me, my family most especially. it makes me feel that somehow i am still worthy for some good things. i’ll surpass this challenge. no way but up!

i gotta go for now and prepare for my last day of my work week.

no way but up!

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here comEs the sun

August 2, 2016

you know that feeling of losing your passion even though you are passionless?

last night i found it hard to sleep and i came across a social media post of a friend. he is questioning the credibility of nasa as he shared a picture of the same moon seen at the same time in two different sides of the earth, according to the post. thus, claiming that the earth is flat and not spherical in shape. in the comment section of the original post where most of them agree that our earth is indeed a flat entity in space, there is a link to a video where this man illustrates and “proves” this claim through a rocket launch in 2014. so much of this theory,  I thought about it but dismissed it off my restless mind after half a minute.

let me make it clear, my questions about losing your passion and this flat earth issue are not connected. i just find it phenomenal (sorry for my lack of terms but yes, im using it) that in this revolving world full of theories, concerns, issues, crimes, problems that are usually man-made, there are certain things aside from family that will affect us right in the center of our heart to our being a being. as if the world stops spinning to magnify the hurt and put you on the spotlight for being one of the worst existing people In the universe. in effect, you feel so vulnerable and weak. at least that proves that you still exist, right?

mercury, venus, and jupiter will align diagonally and be visible at sunset today, according to natgeo news. things like this make me giddy. i hope i can witness it but i guess not because of this holiday rain.

image

worry not, that is water-based acrylic

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it’s Your stubborn love… thank You

January 25, 2016

i might sound stupid by asking this but i’ll ask anyway. how many times have you prayed without asking for anything? that kind of prayer where you start each line with “thank you”

honestly, in my almost-ending 29 years of existence, i have done that only once. just last Christmas, i did that and it felt so real. it felt like i should have done that long ago and only now i ask myself why dont i do it more often or even constantly? aside from it being a just thing to do, it makes you feel human and it gives joy which you cannot comprehend. it makes you feel like flying and makes you realize how life should be spent here on earth. but because i am stubborn, it’s one of those that should be called once in a lifetime.

and i want to change that.

i’ll try to start doing it again tonight.

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nonstop

November 29, 2014

)””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””:

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[today] yesterday i got that sticker attached on my unstamped passport

May 10, 2014

interesting.

first, i now look at lawyers on a different scale; male attorneys, i must say. they are really good in deciphering whether somebody’s telling the truth or not. i think they have an edge on that over normal men. when i say normal men, normal men. (sorry im not in the mood to briefly explain.) im not sure on that assumption though. perhaps, let me recall, if this is the first time  that a guy guaranteed me that i am lying; if this is the first time that somebody from the male species, even if we were just exchanging messages on cyberspace, confidently told me on.my.face that i am not good in hiding my baggage. halt! what a heavy accusation you got there, attorney. but i plead guilty.

what more if we were face-to-face? maybe just by looking at me, the judge would abruptly announce the case closed. as my convincing friend said, i cannot be on the witness stand because i am too transparent (as opposed to how i see myself). he said it will be very easy for the opponent to tell that i am hiding something. really? well,he is the lawyer. i’ll leave it to him.

on  the contrary, we mainly talked about his “juvenile” love story, not about my being transparent whatsoever. i am happy for this man, saying that he has found his match. we can interchange match with destiny on this matter. im one with you in prayers, my friend. 😉

second, im uncertain what to feel. my mind is a mess. i’m not sure if i want to fast forward the days or make the earth spin slower. im not even sure if i want to accommodate the thoughts that are involuntary consuming my mind. one thing i am sure of, im scared. still, i hope.

third, today i have overcome my fly playlist. i realized that it is not in the song; it is in the number of volume bars.

may the fourth be with you.

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united as One

November 16, 2013

a week ago, super typhoon yolanda, with the international name haiyan, hit our country, philippines. it is said to be the strongest typhoon in the history of the country, or even of the world.

(i am not really sure of what to write here. i thought of doing this couples of days ago but i was not certain of what to say, not to mention the time constraint. perhaps im afraid i might sound different when all i really want is to help uplift the spirit of everyone. i often become too emotional, you know.) watching the news and videos, seeing the devastation, reading heart-breaking articles, looking at surreal-like aftermath photos  from the affected areas give me goosebumps, swollen eyes, and mixed emotions. it is hard for me to absorb what i see. some questions also pop in my mind like: what would i do if my family and i lived in the affected areas? where would we stay when our home was washed away by the storm? would i still be sane if i survived the tragedy and my loved ones didnt? how would i move on if everything i had is nothing? or should i ask, would i even still want to live?

please dont get me wrong. these are only the thoughts of a random soul, wondering and reflecting on what is happening around. one recognizable thing that i see is that the resiliency of the Filipino spirit will always come through. forget about pointing fingers. forget about selfish acts. forget about the different beliefs. cease the misunderstandings. what we need now is unity, courage, and faith that we will all pass this through. old, young, men, women, children, professionals, students, black, white, everybody can do something to help. even a small act counts. it is truly uplifting seeing all the nations in the world, extending aid to our country. i know i am no one but let me say, in behalf of the Filipino people, from the bottom of our heart, thank you.

i believe, through our trust and faith in God, with His guidance and incessant love, everything will flow smoothly again..even better.

the following images are not mine but i want to share them with you. credits to the owners.

calamity-proof filipino

THANK YOU

THANK YOU

japanese children, one with the Filipinos

Sendai students, one with the Filipinos

smiles and hope

smiles and hope

 

i am a Filipino

united as one

there are many ways to help. you can visit www.rappler.com. im not connected with them but i rely to them for fresh and reliable updates and useful information.

i also want to share this link, showing inspirational stories that could ‘restore your faith in humanity’ and Filipinos. read also the comments for more ‘yolanda’ inspirational stories. p.s., prepare your hankies 😉

p.s. p.s.

here’s not forgetting the other issues, corruption et al. read this, Pope Francis: corrupt should be tied to a rock and thrown into the sea. hello, napoles and company.

God bless everyone.

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you live, you learn

March 28, 2013

“sometimes you have to buy peace… because not all wars are worthy for a battle.”

you expect it, you dont. you step forward, then backwards. you curse, you win, you lose.

but sometimes, it is not winning or losing; it is how you move, how you act, how you  get through, what you realize.

i start this piece, i end it here.

#stillnotinthemood