Archive for the ‘today’ Category

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heaven-sent

June 5, 2017

i know ive been writing all my entries in english, but allow me to have this one in my native language -tagalog.

naalala ko kasi yung gabing iyon. unang beses ko mapanood ang sobrang idol ko na singer-composer na si ebe ng malapitan na live. sobrang excited ko lang that time. kung pwede lang hindi matapos yung gabing iyon.

kasama ko siya at isa pa naming colleague. marami-rami ring kinanta si ebe. sulit na sulit ang gabi. kinanta niya ang mga luma at bagong kanta, mula noong sugarfree times hanggang sa ngayong nagsolo na siya. sa kalagitnaan ng show o bandang patapos na yata iyon, hindi ko na matandaan, pagkatapos ng isang kanta, merong nag-abot sa kanya ng papel. may nagrequest yata ng kanta sa isa sa mga audience.

pero nung nagsalita na siya, wala palang nagrequest, kundi merong nagpapabati. may babatiin daw siya na dalawang tao sa  mga audience. sa isip ko, ang swerte naman nung mga ‘yun. noong binanggit na niya ang unang pangalan, kapangalan niya. sasabihin ko pa sana sa kanya na, “uy, kapangalan mo.” pero nung sinunod nang binanggit yung isa pang pangalan, nagulat ako dahil pangalan ko yun. (sa sobrang unique ng nickname ko, alam kong ako yun) ako nga!!

ininterview pa niya ako ng konti. sobrang hindi ko inaasahan kaya kinabahan pa tuloy ako ng slight habang kinakausap siya sa gitna ng lahat ng nandoon. hindi alam ni ebe na sooobrang kinikilig ako sa loob ko. haha! buti na lang hindi niya ako tinawag sa stage kundi baka hindi na ako nakapagsalita at baka nayakap ko na siya. (pero sayang din kasi may picture na sana kaming dalawa kung nagkataon.)

nung gabi ding iyon, nalaman ko na siya pala ang nasa likod ng lahat. dahil alam niyang fan ako ni ebe, ginamit niya ang kanyang mga koneksyon para maging posible iyong dream come true na gabing iyon. i felt so special. isa ‘yun sa mga hindi ko malilimutang pagkakataon sa buhay ko. muli, maraming salamat.

gusto ko rin gamitin ang pagkakataon na ito para sabihin na ang swerte ko at sobrang blessed ko dahil nakilala ko siya. God is so good kasi hinayaan Niyang makilala at maging parte ako ng buhay ng isang tao na tutulong sa akin para maging mas positibo ang pananaw at para magpaalala na sa kabila ng mga masasamang nangyayari sa mundo, meron pa ring mga tao who naturally make you feel that life is beautiful.

siya ang guardian angel ko dito sa pisikal na mundo. nagpapanggap nga lang kaya siyang tao?

kahit hindi niya sabihin sa akin na he’ll always be there for me, nararamdaman ko na ganun. ang assuming ko lang, ‘di ba? pero totoo. he still makes me feel loved and cared despite of everything that happened. hindi ko nga alam kung ok lang ba siya, kung nasa matinong pag-iisip pa ba siya. kasi parang wala lang nagyari. kung sa iba siguro yun, kung anu-ano na ang sinabi. pero siya, dedmakels.

ewan ko, kahit nakakausap ko siya, hindi ko pa rin siyempre alam kung ano ba talaga ang naiisip at nararamdaman niya. pero para sa akin, ramdam ko yung malasakit at sincerity and i know that he hopes nothing but the best for me. and that is more than enough.

it might sound weird pero, im happy for him. alam kong nakakabangon na ulit siya at nararamdaman kong malapit na magsimula yung bright bright future and success sa buhay niya, sa lahat ng aspeto. ano pa nga ba ang ieexpect at ipagdadasal mong makita sa taong katulad niya. he deserves the best dahil ganun din ang ibinibigay at ipinakikita niya sa mga nasa paligid niya. kung pwede nga lang sana malaman ng lahat ng tao kung ano yung totoong siya. feeling ko kasi iba pa ang pagkakakilala nila sa kanya, unlike the way i know him. pero alam kong sa dami ng nakasalamuha niya sa buhay, karamihan doon ay nakita at naramadaman kung gaano siya kabuti, ideny man nila o hindi.

sobrang special siya sa akin kahit wala na kami sa sitwasyon namin noon. minsan nga napapaisip ako kung tama ba na kinakausap ko pa rin siya. but it feels right. wala namang masama na mag-usap bilang magkaibigan. gusto ko lang malaman niya na nandito lang ako para sa kanya. isa ako sa mga sumusuporta at naniniwala sa kanya. he’ll always have a special part in my heart and in my prayers, always.

may na-save pala ako na dalawang videos ni ebe nung gabing iyon sa historia. hindi buo, pero narecord ko pala yung “bawat daan” at “burnout.’ ewan pero sobrang ramdam ko yung recorded part nung naunang kanta. para bang kung susumahin sa isang salita yung buong kanta, ang ibig niyang sabihin ay constant.

ang sarap lang ng pakiramdam na maramdaman ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. alam mo ‘yun? ang gaan gaan na para bang wala kang problema. yung tipong titingin ka sa bintana, tapos ang ganda pa ng kalangitan, tapos mapapangiti ka na lang habang merong namumuong luha sa mga mata mo. sana maramdaman din ito ng lahat ng tao. bliss. kahit sa moment lang na ito. kahit alam kong mapapalitan din ito sa susunod na oras pero yung pakiramdam na meron kang pinanghahawakan deep inside you, ang lakas lang ng hatak. ang sarap lang.

thank you Lord. i trust your plans. kahit ano pa ang mangyari sa mga susunod na araw at taon, Your will be done. hindi man namin maintindihan lahat ngayon, it doesnt matter. naniniwala akong magiging maayos din ang lahat para sa aming lahat.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam

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my other self

May 15, 2017

i wasnt really planning to talk about what happened to me last week, but there it is, slightly detailed in the previous entry.

im not a selfish person, as i would like to believe. but seems like i am one selfish woman after all. i feel so bad on myself after knowing something and whispering that it cant happen, that that should not be allowed to happen.

it can, my dear. you cant control everything, especially the happiness of other people. and have you forgotten, you are the reason why it is now possible to happen.

accept, grow old, my dear.

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superheroes

April 3, 2017

that unforgettable moment. that morning. their words still linger in my mind. ugh, burst. i could never imagine how their love for me is. i am more than blessed to have them as my parents. i love my family.

this is an understatement. one day, i’ll tell a beautiful story. #everythingisgrace

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let it go

March 22, 2017

“sometimes the people we love leave us because someone much better will come, someone who will love us more and will stick around until the end.”

im not that someone.

enough of holding on to things that cannot be. start looking at the other part of the shore. begin a new beautiful story with new wonderful characters.

do it now. make it real.

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my mac still has the same old password

March 14, 2017

so many things in my head, so many words i want to say. my stubborn memory still flashes back to the good times, often, and it always brings me that happy throbbing feeling inside. sometimes i try to fight it but sometimes not. i guess i will be dealing with it for the rest of my life. i take it as a consequence, and a token at the same time. happy thoughts.

i might forget the exact words i said but i wont forget the pain they caused. i’ll understand if i wont ever be forgiven.

this might be the last time i’ll speak of this.

i pray for a lot of things to happen. one is for wounds to heal. i dont know how and when but i want to believe on what they say that time heals all wounds. please believe it too.

i might sound proud. im not. if only id be invisible.

so many things to say but i rather not to.

if you feel like flying, let music take you.

i miss you too…

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all that is solid melts into air

March 13, 2017

i have started talking about the book i am currently reading but the moment before clicking the publish button, i decided not to. blame my ever chaotic mind.

on that draft, a categorical syllogism came out of nowhere. perhaps, thats the reason why i did not publish it. even i could not agree if my conclusion follows the propositions. not my expertise, eh.

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the title of this entry is the exact title of the book im reading, written by darragh mckeon.

it’s getting better. it’s calling me now.

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forgetfuls still remember some things.

..

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here comEs the sun

August 2, 2016

you know that feeling of losing your passion even though you are passionless?

last night i found it hard to sleep and i came across a social media post of a friend. he is questioning the credibility of nasa as he shared a picture of the same moon seen at the same time in two different sides of the earth, according to the post. thus, claiming that the earth is flat and not spherical in shape. in the comment section of the original post where most of them agree that our earth is indeed a flat entity in space, there is a link to a video where this man illustrates and “proves” this claim through a rocket launch in 2014. so much of this theory,  I thought about it but dismissed it off my restless mind after half a minute.

let me make it clear, my questions about losing your passion and this flat earth issue are not connected. i just find it phenomenal (sorry for my lack of terms but yes, im using it) that in this revolving world full of theories, concerns, issues, crimes, problems that are usually man-made, there are certain things aside from family that will affect us right in the center of our heart to our being a being. as if the world stops spinning to magnify the hurt and put you on the spotlight for being one of the worst existing people In the universe. in effect, you feel so vulnerable and weak. at least that proves that you still exist, right?

mercury, venus, and jupiter will align diagonally and be visible at sunset today, according to natgeo news. things like this make me giddy. i hope i can witness it but i guess not because of this holiday rain.

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worry not, that is water-based acrylic